Thursday, September 29, 2011

If you want to destroy my sweater...I'll beat your ass up

Look at me. I'm in the woods, wearing a skimpy sweater and a tight-ass pair of bike shorts (with tights. Yup. Not leggings. I fooled you!). If I saw this on someone else's blog, I'd probably be like, "Nuh-uh, girlfriend. No one goes for a walk in the woods in that get-up." But this is me, on my blog, and I can tell you in all honestly that yes. I did go for a walk in this get-up. Why? Because I am awesome.

The past few days have been very drama-filled for little ol' me. And by very drama-filled, I mean Wal-Mart wouldn't accept my coupons and I'm still trying to finish an assignment for school that I started on Tuesday. That's about it. I lead a simple life.

Thanks for your feedback on my Love Your Body Day ideas! Stay tuned for more details. ;)

And thank you to my estranged boyfriend for taking these pictures, even if I am mad at you right now because you found it necessary to follow and tweet a pornstar via Twitter even though you are NOT a horny sixteen year old boy anymore and when I bring it up to you, you tell me it's no big deal and immediately turn the blame over to me. Yeah. Nothing says "let's get back together!" like that situation.

Ahh. Drama.

Sweater: American Eagle
Bike shorts: UO
Boots: Jeffrey Campbell

Monday, September 26, 2011

J. Crew You

This outfit has a very J. Crew-ish vibe to me, which is ironic since nothing I'm wearing is actually from J. Crew. Oh, life. How you amaze me.

I don't know what else to say about this outfit. It just is. The dress might actually be a skirt. I'm not sure. Apparently, it can be both, which is fine with me. Although I might not be wearing it at all anymore because, on this particular day, it nearly cut off my circulation because the top part is very tight elastic and is too small for the ole girls.

In case you were wondering.


* A giant thank you (and an extra giant thank you to Ally for hosting the fabulous contest!) to all of those who voted for me for the POTY. Apparently enough of you did, because I won! And I couldn't be more honored.

** Love Your Body Day is October 19, 2011, and I'm not quite sure what I want to do for it. Last year, I did the blogger interviews, but I'd like to change it up this year to keep it fresh. If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them. Otherwise, I was thinking if I could get enough people on-board to publish a "Why I love my body" post on their own blogs that day, I could link them all here. What do you think? Would you be interested in something like that or not? Let me know in the comments!

Shirt: Old Navy
Dress: American Eagle
Shoes: Dolce Vita

Thursday, September 22, 2011

'11 Bonnie, no Clyde

I bought this scarf from Urban Outfitters a couple of years ago when I was planning on being Bonnie Parker (of Bonnie & Clyde fame) for Halloween. (I ended up actually going as some slutty gypsy-pirate-girl clad in 100% overpriced polyester instead because apparently my Clyde wasn't feeling it. But that's another story...)

Since I finally got the guts to do the hair (surprise!), I thought I'd be a cool cat and wear an outfit inspired by the 1967 film. I didn't want to go too all out, you know, since it's not Halloween or anything, and literal interpretations are a bit scary on normal days. I mean, the beret would have been cute and all, but I'll save it.

The scarves are close, right? I think I need to work on my suspicious/pissed off look a little more though. I'm pretty good at the pissed off look (DAMN YOU, CAMERA. I'MMA STARE YOU DOWN AND LOOK INTO YOUR SOUL.), and kind of good at the, "Ooh, what's that over there?" surprised look, but combining the two is quite a challenge. My hat's off to you, Faye. (That's why I'm not wearing one.)

Anyway, perhaps with any luck, someday I will finally fulfill my dream of dressing up as Bonnie (with a Clyde who is not a stick in the mud) for Halloween, complete with beret. For now I'll just wear this.

Top: Martin & Osa
Scarf: Urban Outfitters
Pants: Gap
Shoes (They're Oxfords with a 4.5" heel, actually): Steve Madden

Monday, September 19, 2011

The Last Day of Magic

These pictures were taken in August. As in, over 20 days ago. I'm a little backed up. I could probably use some of that blogger Metamucil known as the elusive "inspiration" to get things regulated again.

These are the last of my pictures from August 2011. RIP. These are also the last of my pictures with this hair. If you follow my twitter, you already know what happened to it. If you don't follow my twitter, A) shame on you, and B) you'll just have to wait and see what happened to my hair. But mostly, shame on you.


* I've been searching far and wide (and I get sweaty whenever I drive past a Target now and don't stop in. WHAT IF I MISSED OUT ON A RESTOCK!??!) and have not had too much luck finding the most coveted Missoni for Target items. HOWEVER, I have some leftover items that I don't want for myself but don't want to feed to the wolves as a return, either. So, if you're interested, I have: 2 Piece Babydoll Set (Medium), Black & White Sweater Dress (Medium), and the Black & White Travel Tote (which, yes, does contain lead. Be warned). Contact me if interested and we'll work out a price (cost of the merchandise + tax + shipping).

** ...Speaking of Missoni for Target, my post about it has been nominated at friend Ally's blog as post of the year. Which means I need you to go vote for me so I can win fame, fortune, and prestige. Come on. You know you want to. Do it for me. Do it for mom's apple pie and the American dream. Do it in the name of Two Eyes in the Mirror!

Dress: Urban Outfitters
Vest: Levi's
Boots: Jeffrey Campbell

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The Missoni for Target Saga, by Ashley. Illustrated by iPhone camera

Even though I have the beginnings of a nasty cold (I always get one around this time of year. FU, Fall. Summer is my favorite for a reason), I set my alarm bright and early so I could log on to to shop the new Missoni collection, which was just released today. I made myself a cup of tea, sat down at my computer, and stared at my screen in horror: had died.

(As most of you are probably aware of by now, the server crashed due to the high amounts of traffic. I'm writing this at 9 p.m. at night and it's still down.)

Although I was apprehensive to leave my computer because I'm a nerd in case the Target website revived in my absence, I decided my best bet would be to drive to the closet Target store and see what I could see (and buy).

In about five minutes, I was ready to go. I didn't shower. I didn't brush my teeth. (I DID manage to put deodorant on, but that's about it.)

See, homegirl can get ready quickly if she has to. She just doesn't choose to most of the time.

After the long and tiresome journey (okay, it only takes about ten minutes), I made it to Target. I was excited and giddy to get through the doors, but I stopped and took a picture of myself, anyway. It's what I do.

I walked in the door. I grabbed a basket. And there it was. Missoni. Missoni. And yes! Even more Missoni. I was even more excited and giddy because I heard the horror stories that were being tweeted by everyone that their Targets were totally sold out of the coveted zig-zags. That was not the case here, my bitches. In fact, I was one of the only people in the store, save the employees.

I grabbed a few things off the rack. A sweater. A hat. That gorgeous ruana-scarf-thing. (Truth be told, at this point, I wasn't all that in love with this collection. I thought a lot of it was ugly.) I was more excited about grabbing the home goods stuff, like the blankets, so I made my way toward that part of the store. I stumbled upon a team of employees and took in the image from afar.

This is sounding so dramatic, I really wish I had a picture to put here. But I don't. So I'll just tell you what I saw. I saw the team of employees still putting Missoni things on the shelves.

Because I didn't want to be one of those crazy people (although if you saw my receipts from today, you'd know I failed at that), I let them do their thang without harassing them and browsed the rest of the store. I decided that perhaps, to appear more sane, I should attempt to try to cover up the mass amounts of zig-zags that were overflowing my basket.

Clearly, I'm a master of deception.

I checked back every now and again to see if they were done and had put the damn blankets out. I did it real sneakily so my cleverly hidden Missoni stuff and I wouldn't freak them out. This may or may not be me lurking amongst the towels:

(Normally my nose does not look like that, so that's probably someone else.)

I checked at least three different times, and every time they were not finished. So in the meantime, I went back and looked at everything again, and the more I looked at it, the more I liked it. The more I had to have it (it also didn't hurt that, at this point, everyone was coveting anything from this collection because it had sold out so fast. I think it's a psychological thing). So I put more and more things in my basket. Two dresses. A handful of scarves. The tote bags. The ballet flats. The sezzy PJ set. I picked up a lot of stuff for friends whose stores had already sold out, too.

After my arms were shaky from carrying my overflowing basket, I went and checked back in the home section. They still weren't done. They had the picture frames out and were just finishing up with the vases. Then I made an observation: they didn't really have anywhere else to put blankets and plates and glasses and things. Also, the boxes they had left to unpack weren't big enough to contain blankets and plates and glasses and things. It was then I realized that different stores probably got different shipments.

So I paid for my hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise and drove to another Target in another state.

Okay, okay, so it's not that big of a deal. I live on the border. But whatever. It didn't take me long to get there because I was still riding the Missoni high.

I rushed in and--lo and behold--different stores did get different merchandise! This Target had the travel stuff, the kitchen stuff, and the--yes--the damn blankets.

Or actually only one. I could have sworn I grabbed two, but when I got home, I found I only had one. I also thought I bought three dresses and I only had two. And for some moronic reason, I apparently decided it would be a good idea to only get one of the medium purple tumblers. I do not understand. I'm still scratching my head about all that, but I think it was a combination of being caught up in the moment and being a sickface while doing it that confused me.

Anyway, I checked out with my stuff at Target #2, incurring more odd looks. Clearly, the 18 year old male cashier just didn't understand.

Ain't no junk in my trunk. That's Missoni, biatch.

In the end, I made quite a haul. Like I said, I picked up a lot of stuff for other people, but this is what I think I'm going to keep for myself:

The quality is actually pretty decent for Target. If you can get your hands on any of the home stuff, I highly suggest it. It's all great for the price. I'm still having my minions (also known as my estranged boyfriend and my dad) scour their local stores, so for those of you who had your eye on the throws but weren't able to nab one, there's still hope.

Friday, September 2, 2011


For the record, I think I'm wearing this hat wrong.

I bought this lovely skirt off Steffy. It's fun. It's flirty. And so am I, goddamnit. My favorite part is the color. So minty fresh. I've been wearing it a ton this summer, I just haven't photographed myself wearing it (surely you remember my month long departure from blogging...seems like it was just yesterday. Oh yeah. It was) much. But I did get pictures on this day, when my estranged boyfriend ("ex-boyfriend" doesn't seem right) and I went down to da lake. There were a lot of goings-on at da lake:

  1. I peed on myself.
  2. I got stuck in a tiny restroom with a bunch of high school girls changing into clothing from their bikinis.
  3. Lots of T & A. Tons of T & A. Too much T & A for my small mind to handle.
  4. We watched a guy jump out of his boat, swim to shore, walk around and curse for a while, and then take off on foot.
  5. He never returned.
  6. We also watched lots of police and fire trucks and rescue squads and that kind of thing pull up right onto the beach. It was hard to tell what they were doing, but it looked like they blew up some sort of hovercraft and then rode away on it.
  7. They also never returned.
A real WTF day, if you will.

Happy loooooong weekend, y'all.

T-shirt: DKNY
Skirt: Tea and Tulips
Hat: UO
Belt: J. Crew